Those damn Vikings and their music

Doubt if you will, but the Vikings can and WILL invade again. Our scouts claim that they are amassing several of their secret weapons to engage us in battle, and attempt to steal our gold, burn our houses, and do things that no noble man would ever dare think of to our wives.

Don't believe us? Here is the proof, thanks to several minstrels having graciously re-recorded portions of their hymns:

Viking Hymn

Feudalist Hymn

See, we don't make music for the sake of frightening others and causing ears to explode with random, dramatic screams.

If we let the Vikings attack, they'll only get stronger and create even more horrific screams. We must build a wall!

Drug testing on animals

Medicine and all other drugs are a lie! We have seen people test drugs on animals and all of them have still gotten the Plague. We as Feudalists know that the only cure for that is more walls. Besides using an animal for drug testing makes it unusable as meat. If you really think you can find a cure to the plague that is better than a wall, you can use an old serf that can no longer tend to his fields. That way the surf is no longer a burden upon the land owner and more proof is added that medicine is evil and a lie.

This is why we need to build Walls...

Tuesday, April 1st, 2008: A Day Which Will Live in Infamy.

For those of you who sook our wisdom yesterday, you may have noticed that things seemed outlandish, as if they weren't from our Kingdom. Well, it ends up that the ignorance of the American population to our defense strategies allowed some Vikings to conquer a portion of our domain and cause mischief.

Well: We Told You So.

We knew it would happen if we kept neglecting to create a wall, but none of you would listen.

Luckily enough, we were able to fend off these Vikings by telling them about our vastly superior system of government, and threatening to send the Templars after them, but a deeper threat still lies just outside of our borders.

Even now, an entire Horde of Vikings, under the rule of the Tyrant Johannes Gutenberg, is preparing to storm our land, take all your possessions, and reverse your chairs when you turn around to get more measly bread.

Provided is an account of yesterday's horrors, which would have been much worse were it not for our quick horseback communications system, for future reference.

Do not fall into their vile trickery. They may promise gold and the hailing of Odin, but remember, they'll make you read books in the Vernacular, and give you the plague with their heavy metal music and movable type.